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Fail Force Wind

Sometimes I feel inadequate. Quite a lot of the time if I’m honest. That’s ok. It’s not ideal I grant you, but it’s manageable.

I feel inadequate in my abilities; at work, in my role as an author, as a partner, as a patient. I spend a lot of time worrying I’m not performing as well as I’d like, I’m not achieving my goals as quickly as I’d like, I’m not getting better. Of course, logically I know most of this is not true, and most of this is ABSOLUTELY FINE. I’m not letting anyone down; I’m not failing at the game of life. These insecurities and frustrations are all of my own doing and therefore it’s only me torturing myself with thoughts of failure.

I know I’m not alone in these feelings of inadequacy. We all struggle with these feelings from time to time, in all areas of our lives. Well that’s a sweeping generalisation I suppose, I mean we all do UNLESS YOU ARE A SOCIOPATH, ARE YOU A SOCIOPATH?? Sociopaths aside, many of us worry we are not ‘enough’. We don’t have the confidence we think we should have before undertaking a new job, a new task, a new relationship. The truth is that the confidence usually isn’t there beforehand – it comes later. It comes with experience and knowledge and the overcoming of nerves. It shouldn’t be waited on because much like me, for everything, it’s generally always late.

I don’t make new year’s resolutions because I think they are a bit counterproductive and I don’t like setting myself up to feel bad. Failure doesn’t feel great let’s be honest, so knowing I cancelled my gym membership after one panicked glance at the rowing machine doesn’t make me feel superb as we enter a new year. (JOKING: I’ve never set foot in a gym). Of course as a new year begins there is absolutely no harm in making plans as to what you hope to achieve in the coming months, and what you’d like to change. That’s just part of growing and learning. Something we are hopefully constantly undertaking.

When we are young we are told we’ll understand when we ‘grow up’. Little do we know that we still won’t have a single clue about life welllllll into adulthood. That’s fine. It’s ok not to know it all. It’s ok not to have your faeces together. (I’d say ‘shit’ but my Mum reads this and I don’t want to offend her oh wait it doesn’t matter cos I’ve said it now sorry Mum) See what I mean about feeling inadequate?

So happy Christmas and happy new year to you all dear readers and bowel aficionados, I love you dearly.  You mean the world to me, you are more supportive than my favourite bra, and please take it as gospel when I tell you, you are more than adequate.

Kathleen NichollsComment